Random grocerocity

An otherwise ordinary trip to the grocery store can be a fascinating experience in cultural awareness, or at very least the power of marketing in our lives. Two quick examples:

1. Based on the success of Unilever’s “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”, several grocery chains have come up with their own “house brand” versions of the product. Kroger has their “Butter, It’s Not”, and the HEB stores here in Texas have something called “You’d Think It’s Butter”. I don’t know why they don’t just stop beating around the bush and call their product “I Can’t Believe It’s Not I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”. Also, “You’ve Got To Be Shitting Me, Whaddaya Mean This Ain’t Butter?”, or “If This Is Butter, Then I’m Freaking Tony Orlando And Dawn” might be good alternate names as well.

2. This whole celebrity product naming thing is getting out of hand. This weekend Mrs. Toast picked up a package of Nolan Ryan Steaks. Would someone please tell me what the hell a former professional baseball player has to do with USDA choice meat? So let me get this straight: I can buy Nolan Ryan® beef, marinade it in some Paul Newman Dressing®, cook it on my George Forman Grill®, cut it with an Emeril Knife®, and then eat it on Martha Stewart® Tableware? What’s next? To complete the cycle, Sheryl Crow Brand® Toilet Paper? (“So strong, you only need one square!”)

Please, stop the madness.

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