Arrrrr!

Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Today is “National Talk Like A Pirate Day“, a day scalliwags o’ all stripes ha’bn celebratin’ for many a’year now. So fly yer Jolly Roger, hoist a pint o’grog and talk like a Pirate today, matey!

Courtesy o’ them fine swashbucklers over at The Unclyclopedia, herrrrrrrrre’s some facts n’ historrrrrrry about this here special holiday:

• The Beginning – The Great FSM creates all that is, including his chosen people, the Pirates.

• 1756 – The Dread Pirate Wesley single handedly defeated the entire Spanish Armada in single combat.

• 1778 – The Continental Congress passes the first budget of the United States, budgeting 10,000 doubloons for defense, 5000 pieces of eight for social programs, and additional booty to highways.

• 1796 – George Washington makes his farewell address, saying “Aye me mateys, it were good being captain of this fine ship of state.”

• 1957 – First U.S. underground nuclear bomb test is conducted, shivering timbers as far as 500 km. away.

• 1959 – After Nikita Khrushchev is barred from visiting Disneyland, he threatens to “keel haul” a man dressed in a Goofy suit.

• 1970 – Pirates the world over rejoice at Oldsmobile’s launch of the Cutlass Supreme.

• 1982 – Feared corsair Patch-Eyed Pete posts first recorded instance of an emoticon, P-) to an online bulletin board.

• 1985 – First pirate movie released. It is rated ARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

• 1989 – “Pirate radio” goes on the air and is fined for gratuitous use of the words “scalliwag” and “booty.”

• 1995 – First Talk Like a Pirate Day. It rapidly replaces Talk Like a Ninja Day, which involved people saying nothing so as to conceal their presence.

Now if you’ve been a landlubber fer too long to remember how t’ talk like a pirate, you might want t’ look at this Pirate Speak Translator website. And finally, ‘ere’s a little Pirate Joke t’ get ya in the mood:

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

“What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”

“What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

“Well, we was in a battle and I got ‘it with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”

“Well, okay, but what about that hook? “What happened to your hand?”

“We was in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. Me ‘and was cut off. I got fitted with a ‘ook. I’m fine, really.”

“What about that eye patch?”

“One day we was out a-ridin’ the waves and a flock o’ sea gulls flew over. I looked up and one of ‘em shit in me eye.”

“You’re kidding,” said the bartender, “you couldn’t lose an eye just from some bird shit.”

“It was me first day with the ‘ook.”

Arrrrrrgh!

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